The Girl on Blue

Bola: Who's the best-looking person in this picture? In my opinion, it's the girl on blue
Tola: I think I prefer the boy on pink
Kola: Are you people blind? It's the man on black!

Err.. #gbagaun #gbagaun #gbagaun. I'm pretty sure these people aren't floating on blue, pink and black clouds?

Any time you get confused, remember that primary school game: "Cinderella, dressed in yellow, went upstairs to kiss a fellow; by mistake she kissed a snake, how many doctors does she need?"

Or better still, remember Will Smith's song: Men in Black? I'm posting the video for those who feel like "getting jiggy with it". :-) See lyrics below. They might help resolve the confusion.

Here come the Men in Black
(Uh it's the M.I.B.'s)
(Uh here come the M.I.B.'s)
Here come the Men in Black (Men in Black)
They won't let you remember

Nah, nah, nah,
The good guys dress in black, remember that,
Just in case we ever face to face and make contact.
The title held by me... M.I.B.
Means what you think you saw, you did not see.
So don't blink,
Think what was there but now's gone.
Black suit with the black Ray Ban's on.
Walk in shadow, move in silence,
Guard against extra-terrestrial violence.
But yo we ain't on no government list.
We straight don't exist,
No names and no fingerprints.
Saw something strange,
Watch your back.
Cause you never quite know where the M.I.B.'s is at,
Uh and...

Here come the Men in Black. (Men in Black)
The galaxy defenders. (uh oh, uh oh)
Here come the Men in Black. (Men in Black)
They won't let you remember. (won't remember)
(uh uh, uh uh)

Now from the deepest of the darkest of night,
On the horizon, bright light in the site tight,
Cameras zoom, only impending doom.
But then like BOOM black suits fill the room up.
With the quickness talk with the witnesses,
Hypnotizer, neuralizer.
Vivid memories turn to fantasies.
Ain't no M.I.B.'s.
Can I please,
Do what we say that's the way we kick it.
Ya know what I mean,
I say my noisy cricket get wicked on ya.
We're your first, last and only line of defence,
Against the worst scum of the universe.
So don't fear us, cheer us.
If you ever get near us, don't jeer us.
We're the fearless.
M.I.B.'s freezin' up all the flack.
What's that stand for?
Men In Black.
Uh, M-m-m-...

The Men in Black.
(Uh uh uh)
The Men in Black.
(Uh uh uh, ah ah ah)

Let me see ya just bounce it with me.
Just bounce with me.
Just bounce it with me. C'mon,
Let me see ya just slide with me.
Just slide with me.
Just slide with me. C'mon.
Let me see ya take a walk with me.
Just walk with me.
Take a walk with me. C'mon,
And make your neck work.
Now freeze.

Here come the Men in Black. (Men in Black)
The galaxy defenders. (ooh ooh)
Here come the Men in Black. (Men in Black)
They won't let you remember. (uh no, no)

A-ight check it.
Let me tell you this in closin'.
I know we might seem imposin',
But trust me if we ever show in your section.
Believe me it's for your own protection.
Cuz we see things that you need not see,
And we be places that you need not be.
So go with your life,
Forget that Roswell crap.
Show love to the black suit.
Cuz that's the Men in,
That's the Men in...

Here come the Men in Black. (Here they come)
The galaxy defenders. (galaxy defenders)
Here come the Men in Black. (oh, here they come)
They won't let you remember. (won't let you remember)

Here come the Men in Black. (Oh, here they come)
The galaxy defenders. (uh oh, uh oh)
Here come the Men in Black.
They won't let you remember.

Epitoams

Eclipse
Nigerian pronunciation: Eklips
Correct pronunciation: iklips   

Epitome
Nigerian pronunciation: Epi-toam
Correct pronunciation: Ipi-tomi  


Née (Mrs Johnson née Willams)
Nigerian pronunciation: Nee
Correct pronunciation: Nay   

Shout out to you if you learnt something new today.

May we not be epitoams of poor grammar! Amen :-)

Bose and Biodun

Once upon a time in the city of Ilesha lived a young man, Biodun, and his wife, Bose. Bose and Biodun had been married for six years but Bose had been unable to conceive and their neighbors had started spreading rumours that Bose belonged to a secret witch cult and that her fellow witches ate her eggs every month. Biodun had heard these rumours but he brushed them aside because he knew his wife was a devout Christian and that she was innocent.

But after a while, Biodun and Bose started getting into fights over the most trivial things and sometimes they would go for days without speaking to each other. When they absolutely needed to communicate, they would send notes to each other.

Bose was particularly bothered about this because Biodun no longer ate her food. She tried to reconcile with him in bed but all to no avail. She knew it had to do with her inability to conceive and she would spend whole days crying. Things went from bad to worse. One night, in an effort to remedy the situation and get them on talking terms again, Bose decided to cook Biodun's favourite meal- Pounded Yam and Egusi. She wrote a note and put it on his bedside table so that when he came back from work, he would read it and join her in the dining room for dinner. Bose waited in the dinner room for five hours but Biodun did not return home that night. When it was midnight, she cleared the table, went up to her room, folded the note and placed it in the middle of her journal, and cried herself to sleep. The next morning, she got up early and went to see her mother.

Biodun came home early the next day. He had had a busy day at work the previous day, preparing a report that was due the next day and towards the end of the day, his computer suddenly crashed and he had to spend the night in the office and start the report from scratch. When he was finally done at 7a.m, he rushed home to shower and get a change of clothes.

The house was quiet when he got home. "Bose! Bose", he called. But there was no answer. Biodun started to worry: "Did she sleep at home last night? If she didn't, where did she go? Oh no! What if my friends were right; what if she is a witch? What if she went for the witches' meeting?" When he got up to their bedroom, he started searching the drawers. He opened her journal and a note fell out. It read: "Let's eat Biodun". "Oh my God!", Biodun screamed, "she is a witch!" . He ran out the house as fast as he could and and alerted the neighbours. They hurried to see what was happening. When they came in, he showed them the note. At that moment, Bose walked in and they immediately grabbed her and started beating her, forcing her to confess. They said they had evidence and they showed her the note. "Oh!", Bose exclaimed! I'm not a witch. She immediately brought out her pen and put the comma where it should be and showed them the note again explaining how she had waited for several hours for Biodun to come home the night before. "Oh!" the neighbours responded, laughing at the misintepretation. They let go of her and apologized. Bidoun apologized as well and Bose and Biodun made up. 


Two weeks later, Bose found out that she was pregnant. She was overjoyed! Today, Bose and Biodun and Gbadegesin- their little boy- and Gbemisoke -their little daughter- are the happiest family in Ilesha and every now and then, Bose thinks about that comma that saved her life.  


The end. 

Let's eat Biodun--> Let us all eat Biodun

Let's eat, Biodun --> I'm talking to Biodun and I'm asking him to eat with me/us.

People come here-->This place is visited by people.
People, come here--> I'm talking to a group of people whom I have chosen to collectively refer to as "people" and I'm asking them to come to me.

Happy birthday boy--> The birthday boy is happy
Happy birthday, boy--> Happy birthday to you whom I have chosen to refer to as "boy".

Merry Christmas Bidoun--> The Christmas Biodun is merry.
Merry Christmas, Biodun--> I wish Biodun a merry Christmas/ Merry Christmas to Biodun.

Happy new year everyone-->  I hope the new year everyone is happy.
Happy new year, everyone!--> I'm wishing everyone a happy new year.

Let's eat Biodun--> Let us eat Biodun

Let's eat, Biodun --> I'm talking to Biodun and I'm asking him to eat with me/us.

Punctuation saves lives.

Am I a Fisherman?

Act 1.
Scene 1.

Housegirl enters room

Housegirl: Omalicha, you have not baited this morning. Ngwanu, go and bait!

Omalicha: Hahaha. Chukwumerije, am I a fisherman? It's not bait oh. It's bath. Go and bath.

Chukwumerije: Aah. Sorry oh. Go and bath then.

Chiamaka: Haha. It's not bath oh. Are you a tub? The verb is "bathe" (as in "beythe"). Just like you have the noun "breath" and the verb "breathe", the noun is "bath" and the verb is "bathe". So you can take a bath or you can bathe. But you can never bait or bath.

Chinasa: I disagree. In British English, "bath" can also be used as a verb and it means "to wash in a bath" e.g "Go and bath the baby" or "I bath every morning."

Omalicha: Hya! Oyibo grammarians. Ok oh. I'm going to bathe abi bath.

Omalicha gets up and leaves for the bathroom. Chukwumerije walks away more confused than ever.

Curtain closes.

End of Scene 1, Act 1

The Die is Cast: No Lieing, Crieing or Dieing.

Hello! I just want to say that if you're still spelling 'lying' as L-I-E-I-N-G or 'dying' as D-I-E-I-N-G, you are doing it wrong. 'Lieing' and 'dieing' are not the present continuous (progressive) forms of  the verbs "lie" and "die".

God bless you as you get on the right path. :-)

P.S: "Dieing" is an English word but it has nothing to do with death; it is the present continuous of the verb - to die - which means "to cut with a die (a die is a blade/sharp implement used to cut material in industry)." For more information, see below.

die

²    [dahy]  Show IPAnoun, plural dies for 1, 2, 4, dice for 3; verb, died, die·ing.

–noun

1.

Machinery .

a.  any of various devices for cutting or forming material in apress or a    stamping or forging machine.
b. a hollow device of steel, often composed of severalpieces to be     fitted into a stock, for cutting the threadsof bolts or the like.
c. one of the separate pieces of such a device.
d. a steel block or plate with small conical holes throughwhich wire,     plastic rods, etc., are drawn.

2.

an engraved stamp for impressing a design upon some softer material,     as in coining money.

3.

sing. of dice.

4.

Architecture . dado ( def. 1 ) .

–verb (used with object)

5.

to impress, shape, or cut with a die.

—Idiom

6.

the die is cast, the irrevocable decision has been made; fate has taken charge: The die is cast—I can't turn back.

via http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/dieing